It seems that each time I leave NY, there is something else to ponder, a seemingly major decision to dissect, words to be memorialized. My feelings, those damned emotions, seem to rear its ugly head moments before getting on the bus and leave me, sitting still and staring through puffy slits at nothing, but seeing everything. I've made grave errors in the category of love and its seems that I just repeat the cycle of insecurity, confusion and pain. My heart hurt this afternoon. Like really, really was encased in a foam cushion of pain and its warm rays reach up to my throat choking me, clogging me, making me want to run as fast and as far as I could. Stupidity and gullibility are severe faults and I have worked hard to eradicate those from my self, but sometimes... oh, sometimes certain someones take it out of me. Or better thought that those traits become readily available when I'm dealing with certain folks.... time has come to maybe remove certain folks from my life because to continuously bleed all over myself in yearning is nothing less than pathetic. No, really, don't shake your head! Its the truth, I feel absolutely pathetic in my pursuit of a worthless dream, an unfounded hope. What is wrong with me? Granted I do possess submissive traits, by to willingly place myself in emotional pain's path and allow myself to fall in love again and again and again with the same person that has told you at least 3 times they will never be with you is, most decidedly, sad and pathetic...
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